Transfer #15 from Blogspot

Spring arrives early this year…


Some people consider the start of spring March 21st.  Others when the temperature strikes a certain degree number.  Still others when the grass starts to turn slowly green,  or when buds can first be seen on trees.  I consider spring to start when MSU gets knocked out of the NCAA tournament and I no longer have to schedule my life around basketball.

Which happened last night.  The loss to George Mason messed up a lot of brackets out there, Sam's included.   But it didn't surprise me – not that I'm any great sports sage, but I long ago gave up on Paul Davis and Maurice Ager, victims of the Chris Hill syndrome.  I think next year will be more exciting, even if we don't make the tournament, because Izzo will finally be forced to play his newer, more passionate team members.  Ah, well.  You know how it goes.  I'll keep an eye on Pitt, Duke, NC State and UNC for the sake of family harmony, but you know, I didn't trust twenty year old boys with my heart when I was twenty, and that's one lesson that stuck with me.

So, spring came early this year, and to celebrate I went psycho on my husband last night.  For no particularly good reason.   We were supposed to spend the night watching basketball together, I'd turned down other plans because of this, purchased ingredients for a dinner I knew he liked, picked up cocktail stuff, and when I got home he mentioned going out with his friends. Which we do ALL the time.  And I just absolutely, completely lost my mind.  You should have seen it.  It was, really, rather spectacular. 

A couple other bloggers out there have me thinking about marriage lately – why marriages end so often now, how a good marriage can be established, and it made me think about my marriage, which I do consider a good one.  A great one, in fact.  And I think the reason so many marriages fail is because any more we've convinced ourselves that we should never feel bad.  If another person angers us, or makes us sad, or pisses us off, then he or she just isn't right for us, because our true love, our soul mate, would never ever upset us.   Life is too short to put up with anybody else's bullshit, anybody else's issues.   And because of this, many many relationships end before they ever really get off the ground.

It sounds really horrible to many of you, I'm sure, but I knew I would stay with Sam basically forever when we had this really horrible fight my senior year in college, and I said just awful, base things and he (naturally) said more awful, more base things back and I still wanted to stay with him. The truth of the matter is, you will say horrible things to the person you love most in the world, and he will say truly horrible things to you, and all of your insecurities and worst thoughts about yourself will suddenly have an audience.  Ie, Sam once told me I talked too much, and it's hard for others to get a word in. True? Absolutely.  My response? To NOT talk to him for four days until he begged, pleaded, apologized and etcetera. 

Of course, this saying of awful things shouldn't, in a strong marriage, occur often…maybe twice or three times a year? I don't know.  That's  about how often Sam and I fight like that. (Keep in mind, last night was NOT one of those nights. Sam sat with the whole deer-in-the-headlights look and then cooked me dinner.  He knew I was just being, well, crazy like a fox for no good reason). 

Also, in a good marriage, I think it's important to realize, as trite as it is, that you will never, ever, ever change the other person.  If he loves golf when you are dating, expect him to play golf every summer weekend you have together.  If he doesn't put spoons away after drinking tea, he never ever will.  Another person's bad habits – that's what you have to examine and imagine yourself living with, forever.  I myself have never once hung a towel up on a rack in my whole entire life – I mean, GO BACK INTO THE BATHROOM once I'm done showering? Why? Why would I do that?

So, after five and a half years of marriage, that is what I know.  You will say awful things sometimes, and you'll never change each other.  Also, I think it's important to have a theme song, a special high-five or handshake or hug, and one activity you like to do togther.   Put all that together and you should be able to squeeze five good years out – and hopefully by then I'll be married ten and able to share a couple more ridiculous insights.

Ack, this post is going nowhere, so why not take it even further in that direction? Lately all my dreams consist of returning to other places I've lived.  Last night I dreamt Derek dropped me off in the middle of West Virginia.  I've also dreamt about North Carolina, Pittsburgh – in my dreams, I am traveling.  I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and thought about writing about it but decided to go back to bed instead, so unfortunately the brilliant prose I created in the middle of the night is lost to my dream world – and it was really ,really great. I swear.

Have lovely weekends, everybody – more tomorrow.  And happy spring.

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One Response to Transfer #15 from Blogspot

  1. This is very nice and informative post. I have bookmarked your site in order to find out your post in the future.

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