It’s all coming together now

Well.

There now.

I think I am finally caught up with my blog reading. I may not have commented on too many but now I’m back in the swing of reading blogs, which means my commmenting should commence accordingly.  After that, it’s just a hop, skip and the proverbial jump to posting every other day, like I always say I’m going to but never, ever do.  Back on track, I think.

I think I’ve been suffering from a small-dose of seasonal sadness, or something like it.  I rarely feel truly down but this month has felt difficult for no discernable reason. I’ve found myself snapping at S. without provocation and growing frustrated with friends and family, very unlike me.  Also, I don’t do well with change and S. and I are in a  very dynamic part of our lives, currently ,and I detest having so much pressure on myself (all of which is entirely my own doing).  I keep hoping eventually I’ll LEARN MY LESSON and respect my very recognizable limits, both emotionally and physically. So far, no luck. 

But today I awoke after a wonderful night’s sleep feeling happy, and that feeling remained with me through my commute and it’s here even as I type this so I think the combination of resuming my running despite the cold, visiting my best friend for the weekend and finally striking some small rhythm is helping, although certainly the visit with M. outranks both the gym and the rhythm in terms of recuperative effect. M. has been my best friend for 18 years and it is so wonderful to spend time with her, someone who knows what I’m thinking as I think it, who has seen me through boyfriends and fights with S. and career changes and health scares and broken bones and triumph and despair…I can’t imagine the kind of person I’d be if she weren’t a part of my life.

At any rate.  Here’s a quick run down of where I am :

Running: Resume after much too long a hiatus from upper-respiratory infection, holidays and ridiculous cold weather.  Status? Three weeks back, and runs feel good but right foot feels a little odd.

Reading: Still reading Anna Karenina and fully enjoying it.  This is the longest classic I’ll read this year so I’m taking my time with it.  I’m also reading Berube’s What’s Liberal about the Liberal Arts and I have just so much to say about this book – it’s oddly addicting, as well.  I found myself not wanting to put it down last night – while I often don’t agree with Berube, arguing silently back with him is more rewarding than talking with most of my coworkers.  Also, I’ve read Dirty Blonde by Lisa Scottolini, a fun mystery although I prefer her older works, and The Probable Future, which was beautifully written but a little unwiedly, plot-wise. My mom really wanted me to read it because my brother and dad ignore her book suggestions.  So I did, and I enjoyed it, but that’s about all I really have to say.  It’s much better than Practical Magic, which I didn’t appreciate at all.

Oscar Movie Countdown: So far, I’m rooting for Forest Whitaker for best actor and Helen Mirren for best actress.  I don’t know yet what I want to win Best Picture because I haven’t seen many of the films yet, but I’m appalled The Queen was nominated while The Last King of Scotland was not – TLKOS is the most riveting movie I’ve seen in a long time –  the performances so effective, the visuals stunning, the whole thing so utterly intriguing and convincing and horrifying and, well, incredible that I can’t believe it didn’t earn a best picture nomination.  I have a lot of films to see before Oscar night arrives.

Writing: My freelance projects drag on, not because of me but because of Old Job.  In February I return full force to my own writing and will fit freelance projects in where possible, but every time I try and get approval for something from old job I am reminded how grateful I am to have New Job.  I promised myself one month of my best effort on these projects and after that I would put time in where available, and quite frankly my old bosses will never notice the difference anyway, so I think it’s high time I returned to my own work, where at least the effort I put forth is appreciated. By me, but still.

Knitting,  cooking interesting things, obtaining a mortgage and buying a home so as not to throw away any more money down the toilet, organizing the closet, sending off innovative care packages to relatives still in school, explore future as impressionist painter and progress towards freelance career: nada. And so I comfort myself with lines from one  of my favorite poems:

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;         25
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;         30
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

T.S. Eliot – The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

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47 Responses to It’s all coming together now

  1. Dorothy W. says:

    I’m glad things are settling down a bit, getting back into a rhythm, and I’ll certainly look forward to your posts. I’m glad you are enjoying the Berube book; we’ve got one of his (can’t remember which one right now), and I certainly enjoyed reading his blog (although he’s finished with that now …)

  2. Make Tea Not War says:

    Hope it all comes together soon. I’m sure it will

    I love that poem. An earlier, incarnation of Make Tea Not War was named “I Have Measured Out My Life with Coffee Spoons” Partly because I was going through a phase of feeling like I wasn’t daring much, and because I wrote short posts with not too much personal information in them- but also because this is blogging/the writing process…

    Do I dare
    Disturb the universe?
    In a minute there is time
    For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

  3. Dorothy, I never read his blog but now I’m wishing I had while I had the chance. He’s certainly an engaging writer – I imagine I’ll blog a couple of times about this particular book.

    Ms. Make Tea- Oh, the whole poem is wonderful, isn’t? I agree, that segment definitely sums up the writing experience.

  4. Emily says:

    Welcome back to the blogosphere. Glad to see you’re falling into a rythm and feeling a little less blue (it’s amazing what visiting an old friend can do, huh?). Love the poem — so appropriate.

  5. Carl V. says:

    Glad to hear you are feeling happy. Though there is nothing wrong with a little seasonal depression (I think being somewhat down on occasion causes us to take a step back and evaluate things) I much prefer feeling happy myself.

  6. LK says:

    Ah, Anna Karenina. Long, but so worth it.

    I get the seasonal thing almost every fall…this year had a pretty bad one, too. I think partially it’s because sometimes I am more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed…and sometimes you can’t control the overstimulation, overwork, etc. But if I don’t “fight it” and kind of move through it, I get to the other side much more quickly than when I try to force myself to be all jolly.

    Glad you have moved to the other side.

  7. Andi says:

    Oh my God, we are bloggy soulmates. From the house buying to the freelance writing to the Prufrock (Eliot is my faaaaavorite poet, and Prufrock my 2nd fave poem right behind The Waste Land).

  8. litlove says:

    January is such a pig of a month, Courtney. I’m never at my best in it either. Still, sounds like you’re right back on track now!

  9. Catherine says:

    I was well into Anna Karenina when I found out its ending from a clue on Jeopardy… is it worth going back to nevertheless?

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