And to the person who stole my yogurt

out of the company refrigerator…perhaps you don’t read my blog and thus don’t know I am feeling a little bit rejected, and perhaps you also don’t know I have a pretty severe food allergy and so can’t just replace my mid-afternoon snack with vending machine fair or something from Starbucks, and perhaps you don’t realize I spent an hour getting my car out of my driveway to drive under Victorian-novel bleak skies to a job I took in a frenzied fit that I now recognize as a grave, grave error and perhaps you  don’t even know that S. isn’t around to comfort me because he’s on a business trip but even without knowing all of that, you STILL have no excuse for stealing my organic lemon yogurt.  It’s, like, a dollar a container.  Maybe even a dollar oh-nine, and since I can’t eat most chocolate you essentially stole not only the snack to prevent me from falling face first into the barbecued beef I have at home, you also stole a girl’s comfort food.

Sigh. How do you wake up in the morning? And are you the same person who steal’s Nancy’s diet pepsi, and Shannon’s spinach salad? Are you responsible for the Bagel Fiasco of last Friday, when no one could find the asiago cheese? Mind you,  I didn’t really care until your actions began effecting me directly, but could you please stop? We are hungry yuppies here on floor 8 Red and now we’re pretty convinced our blood sugars are all off and our insulins are spiking and OH MY GOD we can see our belly fat growing as we speak and it is NOT GOOD.

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11 Responses to And to the person who stole my yogurt

  1. nova says:

    Aaaah! So funny (though not so funny when it was happening, I’m sure).

    There’s a fridge thief at my job, too. When I had all four of my wisdom teeth out at once last year, I couldn’t chew solid food. So my first day back in, I brought in a nice lunch of mushy foods — a jello, a pudding, a yogurt, an apple sauce — a feast! But when I went to get one of my mushy choices for lunch I found the bag it was in was raided. All that was left was the apple sauce. I was PISSED. Who would do such a thing? It’s beyond me.

  2. Stefanie says:

    I think every workplace has at least one fridge thief. Here she even steals lunches with names on them. To avoid having my vegan lunches stolen I bring food that does not need to be refrigerated. An annoying concession, but at least I always know I have a lunch.

  3. Jess says:

    I cannot believe what you are having to endure at this new job. If it’s any consolation, I have been doing the same for going on almost three years. If I have to come to this godforsaken place one more gray Victorian day I’m going to light my hair on fire and leap from the roof, just like Mrs. Rochester. Why DID we think that we could go corporate? I spent the entire first six months crying in the bathroom.

  4. Kelly says:

    I’m sorry you’re having such a rough week Courtney.

    And especially at a job you don’t like all that much. To be honest some days the only thing that keeps me sane is my lunch that I lovingly pack the night before or morning of. A girl on WW such as myself must also have guards against the afternoon vending machine.

  5. Emily says:

    I see you’re collecting all kinds of great tidbits for a novel. Can’t you just picture that horrible food snitch? She’s the one who uses all that pitiful corporate speak, dumps all her work on everyone else while taking all the credit, and pretends to be everyone’s buddy until backs are turned. She fools the idiots at the top, and then they’re all amazed when they promote her, and her incompetence, not to mention absolute madness become apparent.

  6. litlove says:

    Don’t get mad, get even. Time to doctor some really tasty morsel in the fridge with very hot chilli or fizzy popping candy. Just enough to give that person a really big surprise.

  7. Andi says:

    Ever see that episode of Friends where Phoebe writes a badass note to intimidate any would-steal-a$$holes that might lay hands on Ross’s after-Thanksgiving sandwich?? He ultimately lost the first sandwich to the a$$hole, but the 2nd sandwich and note earned him a reputation as a loose canon and resulted in his “leave of absence” from work and a buttload of tranquilizers to curb his rage.

    Certainly I don’t want you to end up like poor Ross, but I do want to exact revenge on he/she who stole your yogurt. Jerks.

  8. bloglily says:

    Our fridge at work is so full of icky stuff that I wouldn’t even be tempted to steal from it. Maybe that’s the answer! Grab everything that’s in the back of your fridge at home waiting for you to throw it away, and build a little fort in front of your lunch. Except you won’t want to eat your lunch if it’s had to spend time behind a toxic wall.

    All I know is that you have landed in a place that seems to have quite a few Not Nice People, and I hope you figure out a way to extricate yourself from it quickly. Life is way, way too short to stick out a lousy job, no matter how well it pays. Having done that for too many years in my own working past, I encourage you to cut your losses and move on to a workplace where the fridge is clean and the co-workers bring their own yummy yogurt.

  9. I am so, so lucky to have so many excellent friends, both in the blogosphere and in real life, who understand that a missing yogurt can be devastating, in the moment. Thank you all. Things are better and you can bet your booties I’ll be resubmitting the piece to an appropriate journal – I. Never.Give.Up.

  10. Aphra Behn says:

    I rather like bloglily’s post. Personally I think a little creativity is called for. How about some home-made mousse? With ex-lax?

    More seriously – what about a webcam?

    Aphra.

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