I have a brilliant idea! So brilliant I might win one of those big prizes, like the Nobel or…another big name prize! Since the state of Texas is busy stealing company headquarters from Michigan (Comerica and Proquest, just this week), not to mention many before that, I think we should just lift Michigan and put it on top, or next to, Texas. Certainly if we have the minds in America to create computer games like the Sims, we must be able to find away to move Michigan next to Texas. Our states have so much in common, too – big people! big hair! big office parks! big land! The two climates together could put North Carolina to shame – it may have the mountains and the ocean, but we would have Galviston AND the Upper Peninsula! Typical daily meals could include a mish mash of pasties (a meat and veggie pie popular in MI), quesadillas, margaritas, perogies and ribs – hazzah!* Instead of the University of Michigan, Michigan State’s rival could be the University of Texas, and I could wear one of those cute orangish/brown t-shirts with a bull’s head on them without looking like a fraud.
I am so onto something here. I mean, all of our jobs are moving there anyway, and instead of fretting over things like the economy and, in the words of more than one economic forecaster, complete devastation of the automobile industry, from which Michigan will become another West Virginia, with no turn around in our lifetime, let’s pack up and MOVE OUR STATE!
Maybe you think you having nothing in common with Texans. Maybe you blame the state for producing our President. Maybe you’ve met one or two annoying Texans in your life. Maybe you are ever so leery of joining forces with a state with such an annoying flag, but I, having spent four days in Austin, TX**, can say with conviction the endless blue sky and buttery sunlight will once and for all rid you of your need for fifteen minutes daily in front of your S.A.D. special lamp. Texas may have a few yahoos, but don’t forget – they think of us and think Michigan Militia.
After all, we are the only two states in the country that allow blind people to hunt. With rifles. Better we go the way of the jobs and the economy and join our like-minded Southern brothers in sisters in a life better than the one we have. In fact, we could just empty out all of Michigan, dump us all into Texas, and turn our whole state into hunting land, open to one and all. Better yet, we could just wage a little war and take over all the states standing in the way between our union – we could eliminate as many as necessary to become MichiTexagania!
Come on, now – you’re either with me or against me! It’s time to think outside the box, shift the paradigm, not spend so much time recreating the wheel, and etcetera…it’s time for MichiTexagania!
* S., for what it’s worth – loves the possiblility of pasties for lunch and authentic tex-mex for dinner. He thinks I’m brilliant.
**But not just any one can go to Austin. You have to apply to live there. I’ve been accepted, and I can put in a good word for you, but we’re gonna be pretty picky about what Michiganders we let trickle in. No SUVs, small yappy dogs or discussion of school districts allowed. And you must pass a rigorous exam on South by Southwest, and if you don’t know what that is you might want to point your car towards Dallas.