Random Diary Tuesday

One of my favorite bloggers (aw, you’re all my favorite bloggers, but you know what I mean), Sheila of The Sheila Variations occasionally posts writings from her old diaries.  These entries are super fun, not only because her writing was so vibrant even when younger, but because she edits and contextualizes her entries. I decided once it came time for me to finally go through my big box of stuff from childhood my mom dropped off last time she was here I would shamelessly steal this technique from Sheila. I’ve started going through all my old journals in order to tap into younger me’s head for the flashback scenes in my novel, and while I’m doing so I’m typing up the oldest, most falling apart pages. Apparently I I had a penchant for writing in pencil in junior high and high school.

And, um, just so you know…apparently I only thought about boys, and I named my journal Cecilia in 1991.   So this first entry is from sometime in 1991 -the previous pages are missing so I’m not sure of the date…

I have had a crush on Jason Bies for so long ( *ooh, I guess I’ll keep his real name. Hope he doesn’t google himself-) and not telling a soul (not even you, Cecilia) and now he might possibly like me and I am looking forward to starting a fashion trend in social studies class.  I sit by Jason Bies and Aaron McDonald and Aaron told me he liked me but then he got all his popular friends and now we are just rivals in social studies.

Well. Diary Tuesday isn’t starting out with much of a bang. I like that I kept secrets even from my journal, and I have no idea what fashion trend I had hoped to start. This entry goes on for a looong while and doesn’t even interest me, but I find the conclusion both telling about my current personality and sort of coming-into-sexuality sweet:

Today I had a longing  to touch everything, caress everything. I hope I’m not dying because that’s weird to feel.

So the date is unearthed from the next entry, July 20, 1991 – apparently having quite a bit of angst that way, which is how one knows it’s July (and M:, since i know you read this, it looks like I was having a bit of a jealous fit, too!)

Someday the world is gonna see just how pretty and delightful and talented I am.  Me, I want the world to see me, dammit! (* explains why I blog, yes?) Not how talented Meriah is, or how pretty Liz is, or how good Jessica’s body is. I want people to see me for me! I refuse to be home everytime someone drops over. I HAVE A LIFE TOO PEOPLE!! Does anyone ever think of that? Noooooo!

So, hmm, this diary would have taken place the summer between junior high and high school – I was fourteen years old.   It sort of makes me miss journaling…I still drop notes in my journal but nothing as substantive as I used to…I used to look forward to coming home to journal all about my night. Now that’s how I feel about blogging!

This entry was posted in Dear Diary. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Random Diary Tuesday

  1. Dorothy W. says:

    That’s great. I’m a bit too frightened to look at my old journals — what will I find?? 🙂

  2. Kerryn says:

    I believe that my diaries would reveal similar obsessions — boys, wanting to be noticed for me, boys and umm, boys again… I’ve occasionally opened mine at random and cringed about the person I was (usually urging myself to find a clue, any clue). But — and it’s a big but — if I hadn’t been that person then, would I be the person I am now?

    I hope you keep this going as a regular feature.

  3. Dorothy – it is a little scary but also really fun. I’m really glad I kept a diary, though – so much I’ve forgotten about. I think I might pay a bit more due diligence to my current one…
    Kerryn – the amount I wrote about boys is absolutely embarassing! This will be a regular feature until I run out of journals!

  4. yogamum says:

    I’ll have to dig out my old journals. I suspect they’re exactly like yours. Very cringe-worthy 😉

  5. Tia says:

    Well, that gives me an idea as to what to do with the cardboard boxes of old journals that nudge my feet under my desk every time I sit down at the PC! I’ve been meaning to get around to them for at least fifteen years and have lugged them through homes in four countries as a result. The great autobiography threatens… when I’ve done something great, that is. I can’t remember the boys, but there were plenty of conversations with God (and no, not Neale Donald Walsch’s God – if only I’d thought about copyright when I was nine…).

    Thanks for listing my blog on your Blogroll.

  6. Cam says:

    A few years ago I came across a journal and a bunch of letters from when I was a sophomore in college. While the writing was cringe-worthy for the most part, it was interesting to aee what I was thinking about so long ago. It made me reflect on some very painful happenings (a breakup of a major romance, for instance) and realize how perhaps things were not quite how I remembered them. In many ways, the young woman writing those journals had been forgotten by me, yet she was the foundation for who I am now. Was like therapy — without the expensive price tag. I wish I had more journals to peruse, but I never wrote consistently and I frequently destroyed my journals figuring that I would never want to be reminded of what was in them. In addition to the ideas and events recorded, I found it interesting how my writing style had improved and changed. What an interesting idea, Courntey, to revisit your journals and write about them here.

  7. Andi says:

    I love this! I’ve thought of posting old journal entries, but mine are largely about boys and bore me to tears. Plus, even though I’ve always been intrigued with journaling, I’ve never actually been successful at it. I’ll post manically for a few weeks and then drop off for 3 years. Blogging is the steadiest writing I’ve ever done in my life. And why? Because I like attention. lol

    Thanks for sharing!

  8. Yogamum – oh, dig them out. We could make this a trend in the blogosphere!
    Tia – I love your blog – it’s so smart it almost intimidates me.
    Cam – it’s a fun project, at any rate. I certainly won’t be writing every little entry, but some of the fourteen year old me entries are pretty entertaining.
    Andi – I think that’s why every blogger-wanna-be-writer- blogs…it’s immediately gratifying!

  9. Renee says:

    I love the old journal entry…So you are from EGF? I saw Jason Bies and figured you must be!! I think many girls had a similar entry in regards to him, ha!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s