One of my favorite bloggers (aw, you’re all my favorite bloggers, but you know what I mean), Sheila of The Sheila Variations occasionally posts writings from her old diaries. These entries are super fun, not only because her writing was so vibrant even when younger, but because she edits and contextualizes her entries. I decided once it came time for me to finally go through my big box of stuff from childhood my mom dropped off last time she was here I would shamelessly steal this technique from Sheila. I’ve started going through all my old journals in order to tap into younger me’s head for the flashback scenes in my novel, and while I’m doing so I’m typing up the oldest, most falling apart pages. Apparently I I had a penchant for writing in pencil in junior high and high school.
And, um, just so you know…apparently I only thought about boys, and I named my journal Cecilia in 1991. So this first entry is from sometime in 1991 -the previous pages are missing so I’m not sure of the date…
I have had a crush on Jason Bies for so long ( *ooh, I guess I’ll keep his real name. Hope he doesn’t google himself-) and not telling a soul (not even you, Cecilia) and now he might possibly like me and I am looking forward to starting a fashion trend in social studies class. I sit by Jason Bies and Aaron McDonald and Aaron told me he liked me but then he got all his popular friends and now we are just rivals in social studies.
Well. Diary Tuesday isn’t starting out with much of a bang. I like that I kept secrets even from my journal, and I have no idea what fashion trend I had hoped to start. This entry goes on for a looong while and doesn’t even interest me, but I find the conclusion both telling about my current personality and sort of coming-into-sexuality sweet:
Today I had a longing to touch everything, caress everything. I hope I’m not dying because that’s weird to feel.
So the date is unearthed from the next entry, July 20, 1991 – apparently having quite a bit of angst that way, which is how one knows it’s July (and M:, since i know you read this, it looks like I was having a bit of a jealous fit, too!)
Someday the world is gonna see just how pretty and delightful and talented I am. Me, I want the world to see me, dammit! (* explains why I blog, yes?) Not how talented Meriah is, or how pretty Liz is, or how good Jessica’s body is. I want people to see me for me! I refuse to be home everytime someone drops over. I HAVE A LIFE TOO PEOPLE!! Does anyone ever think of that? Noooooo!
So, hmm, this diary would have taken place the summer between junior high and high school – I was fourteen years old. It sort of makes me miss journaling…I still drop notes in my journal but nothing as substantive as I used to…I used to look forward to coming home to journal all about my night. Now that’s how I feel about blogging!