Eleven Thoughts from 4:16 on a Friday afternoon

1. I have the kind of restless afternoon energy that comes from finishing one large project on time while spastically proofreading another given to me with a two-hour turn around time. I’m too burned out to begin something new but I have forty-five minutes to kill. It’s the kind of energy that makes me want to smoke but I won’t because I don’t smoke anymore and so I will go to yoga and hopefully downward-dog and sun-salute my way out of this static cling.

2. I’ve been talking to my ovaries this week to prepare them for Monday. I promise them if we can have children I will never take them to McDonalds or name them after blues songs like I originally intended.

3. But when I’m not talking to my ovaries I’m considering if it’s inappropriate to ask S. for a. this porsche I love and b. a golden retreiver if the news is bad.  You know, to assuage my depression.

4. I really do believe I am burning out on cancer as subject matter for work.  In the past six months I have presentend a dermatologist with a chicken pox scar and a gynecologist with an armpit pimple, in both cases having written the end of my own personal narrative in my head over and over again.  But I want to remain in health care, so what do I do next? Do I remain in the field as a writer? The WHO has a department on tropical diseases which I think would (a.) be fascinating and (b.) limit the amount of my symptom-internalization.  As a writer in health care I’m not sure I will able to effect the most change, so maybe I should look at program management? But then I would need a whole other degree.

5. I’m writing a HUMONGOUS chapter of my novel right now and it is so fun. I don’t care for those writers who lament how much they hate their craft. Sometimes it’s difficult and nobody feels like doing it all of the time, but sometimes, it’s damn fun. This chapter is damn fun. Incidentally, my dad and his friends originated the word Humongous when they were down-hill skiing. One of his friends pointed towards some mogols and said “Those are some HUGE mogols” and then the word was born. You can look it up – it’s true. Growing up D. and I never believed my dad but it’s since been validated.

6. After yoga I SHOULD have a mediterranean meal since that is how I’m eating these days…some nice shrimp sauteed with olives, white beans, garlic and hot peppers over spinach, but I am thinking of going to my favorite grocery store and picking up one of their pre-made hamburger patties with blue cheese instead.  I haven’t had red meat or much cheese in weeks and while I feel amazing physically, my mouth feels like it could devour two pounds of raw meat without stopping.

7. Michigan State begins playing Big Ten football tomorrow. I am sort of nauseous about it. Our 4-0 record is so pretty – I don’t want to see it all messed up by Wisconsin – those players are beasts.

8. I think it’s interesting how Coach D’Antonia has all the players (even from other teams, if they would like) pray after each game, no matter what the outcome. On the one hand, I believe in prayer so I myself don’t mind a good, cathartic group praise or lament to God but it seems sort of presumptuous to do it on state-funded property.

9. Although, Michigan’s government is close to shutting down – I don’t know if my favorite park will be open for a Sunday hike or not, yet.  Things are a mess here in this state of mine, and it doesn’t help that I have this incredibly unhealthy obsession with reading the papers and listening to local talk radio. Both activities have proven to me that probably I should move out of this state as apparently I’m surrounded by people who would prefer drilling in the Great Lakes for oil instead of raising taxes, and who think the Jena Six should remain in prison. I have an upcoming post on this – it will be called Nostalgia Sucks and also reference my disdain for Mitch Albom and Susan Ager, two Free Press columnists who make me feel like ripping my hair out in fistfuls and eating it.

10. Another Free Press writer I can’t stand is the movie critic Terry Lawson. I’m thinking of sending the editor clips and asking if I can freelance a movie review or two because I, unlike Mr. Lawson, actually like the movies and therefore could do a much less bitter account of the movies.  He makes A.O. Scott look like a pussycat. I would be SO much better at Mr. Lawson’s job than he is that I might have to start a blog or facebook group about the situation.

11. So. to sum up: want to smoke, but will go to yoga; prep-talking the ovaries; willing to accept extravagant gifts if doctor’s appointments don’t turn out well; career confusion over next step; Go State!; hamburger vs. shrimp; Free Press venting.

This week S. and I have nothing – nothing – planned. I am going to sleep in, wake up tomorrow afternoon morning, and ask myself what I feel like doing. I’m interested to see what I say.  I hope working in my novel comes in – I know football will – as will cooking lots of food. Other than that, the sky’s the limit!

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4 Responses to Eleven Thoughts from 4:16 on a Friday afternoon

  1. Emily Barton says:

    If the news is horrible, which I’m praying for your sake it isn’t, go for the golden retriever. So much more rewarding, in the long run, than a Porsche (even though the Porsche is shinier and won’t wake you up at 6:00 a.m. when you’re planning a weekend like this one, with nothing to do).

  2. LK says:

    Try not to worry.

    Don’t smoke. Do yoga.

  3. Wishing you a wonderful weekend filled with not too much, or just exactly what you want. I read your last post with sadness, so I hope that all pans out well for you. You are in my heart.

  4. Emily, Oh, I wouldn’t actually want a porsche – I actually mistook this car at the dealership for a mazda when it was a porsche and it’s just a long running joke, now. Trust me – I would ALWAYS take the dog!

    LK – don’t worry – I will never smoke again. The thought of it just hits me now and again…

    Charlotte – it is wonderful! I’m in my pajamas, drinking a banana smoothie and typing to my blog friends. It will be sometime before I get another weekend like this so I am relishing it!

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