my mom calls.
It might be argued, by some people who know me, that I am a walking raw nerve right now, and not even a nice, polite walking raw nerve who kindly keeps to herself but rather a walking raw nerve who exposes herself to entirely too much of the New York Times and national public radio, so that she’s aware the arctic melt is “unnerving” scientists and peacekeepers were killed in Darfur and Bush is reconsidering his stance on Iran and, well, why are we not all very, very drunk, right now? Just as even I was tiring of myself and mentally trying on new personalities, my mother calls.
Mom: Courtney, did you send me an email puzzle?
Me, thinking: Um, no. I sent you a joke, but no puzzle.
Mom: Because I have this email that says “From Courtney” so I just assumed that was you.
Me: Is that how my emails usually appear in the address line?
Mom: No, usually it is your email address. But I saw “From Courtney” and naturally I assumed it was you and so I opened it…
Me: You shouldn’t open strange emails…
Mom: I thought it was from you! And so I opened it and it’s telling me how to increase my penis size.
Me: Why would I ever send you an email to help you increase your penis size?
Mom: I thought it was just a vulgar puzzle. You can be vulgar, you know.
Me: Mom, this is spam. You should just delete it.
Mom: Well, I don’t want to be on their list. Should I email them back and ask to be removed?
Me: No! Don’t email the sender. Just delete the email. God.
Mom: I don’t understand why I can’t email the sender back and request nicely that I no longer receive spam. I don’t like spam, i don’t want it in my in-box, and I’m sure it’s just like the do-not call list – if I email they will take me off the list.
Me: Mom, nobody likes spam. Nobody wants it, but everybody receives it. It’s just a fact of life – just delete any email you receive if you don’t know the sender.
Mom: I refuse to accept that. This is my computer, and my email, and if I don’t want spam I will find a way to stop receiving it.
God bless her, she’ll probably find a way, too. She’s retired and golf season is over – she really has nothing else to do. I’ll let you know if she figures it out.