It’s been a long time since….DIARY FRIDAY!

I thought it might be fun today to excerpt some sections from my graduate school journal(s) from the first time I moved to Pittsburgh.  I moved here the first time in 2002, when I was 25. I wrote these journals before I began blogging and there is definitely an improved level of engagement in terms of thoughts, sketches, notes, half-written poems…I still write in a journal regularly but not in such a sustained manner. I don’t worry about this…blogging fits me for now. Okay. So. Diary Friday.

10.18.2002

I really enjoyed hearing the poets read last night. I so wish I could write poetry but I suck at it.

It’s strange to finally find my vocation [I thought I would be a writer and professor, note] and a city I belong to. I spent so many years [ha ha –  three years, I spent three years] wondering and waffling [oh. okay. maybe more like ten years, then] and now I’m cemented and certain. I am positive there there is nothing better than working with the English language, nothing more rewarding than one well-written sentence, nothing better than listening to a pleasing poem or reading a great short story. There is nothing better than being in a place where I am encouraged, mentored and happy.

I never want to leave Pittsburgh!

Must have been a good writing day. Ah, so. Here we go. March, 2003, Reality must have set in…

March 3, 2003

I’ve been acting like the kind of person I don’t like. I’ve been so involved in school and the drama of the program that I forgot why I am here…to write! The past few weeks I let drama rule my life [you know, like drama can] for instance, the whole JS/JC fiasco [whaaaa????] and I am so over it. I mean, I’m fucking 25 years old! [You GO, girl]

Okay – a lot of sketches of the three acts of my screenplay, now…hmm, wonder where that is…

April 2, 2003

A. the lesbian post-colonialism student doesn’t talk to me…I’m the only person she doesn’t talk to! I don’t care. [Um, yeah, right. Everybody has to like you] Whatever. I don’t have time for this. I’m a writer. She has to spend the rest of her career playing University politics and that’s her life and that’s just SAD. Maybe she’s depressed by that [So I guess it took less than a year to be so turned off by departmental politics that I no longer wanted to be a professor…]

Let’s find one more…these journals are dense, I think we’ll be spending quite some time with them before going to thirteen year old me…

Actually, a lot of these are about my panic attacks which maybe I’ll share but really ended up being from a food allergy…I didn’t know that at the time…but too depressing to end with on a Friday…

So, 2003 was basically a wash…my food allergy caused panic attacks and I spent most of the year writing about those…here’s a good entry to end on…

January 7, 2004

I spent seven days on the South Beach Diet and it was absolutely disgusting! I will lose this weight any ot her way but that! How can people eat all those eggs? Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Puke!

I’m more productive if I spend time alone. [apparently, I feel no need for transitions while journaling!]I need to get better with the parts of life that require solitude. I think I’m better now than I used to be. I’m learning, at least, to accept solitude.

Zen me. I like her.

Happy Weekend, all!

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7 Responses to It’s been a long time since….DIARY FRIDAY!

  1. yogamum says:

    The South Beach part cracked me up. I actually developed some kind of egg allergy after I went on that diet. Eggs made me puke for a couple of years; then I could eat organic eggs, and now I can eat any eggs, but I’m kind of over them.

    I also love — “I don’t care. I’m a writer.”

  2. Emily Barton says:

    You’ve reminded me of why the 29-year-old me used to think 25 was the perfect age. We’re so sure at that age that we’ve finally got so much of life all figured out, aren’t we? (Actually, that still makes it a pretty perfect age, but I most certainly wouldn’t want to go back to it. I much prefer imperfection!)

  3. bloglily says:

    Courtney, these made me (totally) laugh. Your voice in the entries is so perfectly that age! I’m going to go and find my diaries from that time. I will burn mine, because unlike yours, they are NOT charming. I love this project and hope you continue it for a long, long time.

  4. litlove says:

    These are hilarious! But it’s also funny to look back and think that at 25 I was beginning a PhD and giving birth to a son. Wow – I should have been having a much more carefree time than that! Instead I was burdened with a lot of responsibility, and it took an embarrassingly long time to grow up enough to deal with it.

  5. Courtney says:

    Yogamum…I feel so much better eating more whole grains and less animal fat…I’ve read all the arguments for diets like south beach and atkins with blood sugar, but I have to say since switching to a high carb, lower fat way of living I feel so good!

    Emily…oh, at 25 I knew EVERYTHING. And nobody understood that!

    Bloglily…I suspect your journal entries are much, much more eloquent than mine could ever be. But whatever you do, don’t burn them…you never know if there are story ideas lurking in them.

    Litlove…that is a lot of responsibility for 25. I sometimes wish, though, that I had been a bit more serious…

  6. yogamum says:

    Yeah, other than the egg thing I felt pretty freakin’ good on SB.

  7. Andi says:

    Diary Friday always makes my week. However, it also makes my butt pucker to think of looking back over my own journals.

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