S. is fast asleep in the next room, and if you’ve been living in the mid west this winter and experienced our weather and our flu season, you must recognize this for the success it is. All manner of things have kept us apart since I moved to Pittsburgh – mostly snow storms but S. also came down with the flu a couple of weeks ago – a flu that took him out for the count. He’s still not fully recovered but as he likes to say, he’s 99% there. I was not a particularly good wife – I didn’t drive to take care of him, mostly because I had to work but also because, when you share elevators with chemotherapy patients, you have a responsibility to keep as many possible germs away from as you can.
This is also the last weekend we’ll see each other until my birthday near the end of April, so of course it’s the same weekend my parents have decided to come down and visit. And my brother is himself just recovering from the flu, which inexplicably made his lips swell – people are carrying this flu in all manner of odd ways. S. kept complaining about how his eyes burned. Also, my dad apparently hurt his ankle fairly badly on some steps yesterday, and may or may not need to go to an emergency room today. And Michigan State plays Memphis in the Sweet Sixteen tonight. So things are just a little crazy here at the moment – perfect time for a diary Friday.
January 16, 2004
I am feeling sort of down tonight. I am sick of school and would like instead to just start earning $$ and enjoying my marriage. If this degree doesn’t payoff I’ll be annoyed [I wonder how one measures if her degree paid off? I’m going with yes, since I was hired primarily for my writing skills, which is nice since I don’t want to be annoyed].
January 27, 2004
Was eviscerated in (writing) workshop today by half the class and praised by the other half so that no advice actually helped [guffaw.MFA workshops. for reals]. Am beginning to think that JML will never like my writing. I don’t care so much now though because she likes ___ and ___ and I find their writing dull, which means we have different reading styles. I can’t believe how much ___ stood up fr me, and because she is my favorite writer in the program I value her opinion. Workshop is so stressful [word].
March 17, 2004
I am not sure how many more workshops I’m going to take in the future. And if ___ tells me I have a fundamental lack of story one ore time I’m going to throw him off a roof [damn, girl]! Also, ___ is also driving me crazy with her criticism because I really believe she’s just so unintelligent and I hate how we have to suck up to our teachers because I am NOT good at it [Still not, actually].
Okay, let’s do one more. Most of these are about workshop…seems to be mostly what I journaled in 2004. I feel badly for 2004 me. She was a big stress ball. I want to go back and comfort her and tell her it’s all going to be fine – she’ll get her MFA, she’ll always be able to pay the bills, etc.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT ENTRY I CAME ACROSS WHEN I TURNED THE PAGE, AND I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS! THIS IS GREAT.
Actually there are two short entries in succession. We’ll finish with them.
April 1, 2004
Last night I dreamt I was dating George Bush! But his name was Gus. He swept me off my feet but his mother hated me. I kept asking him if a republican can really love a democrat and he kept saying yes [Oh God. What the news pundits could make of that!]
April 6, 2004
I think I am going to look back on all of this (graduate school) and be very glad I did it. Drinks with friends tonight, and lots and lots of talk about writing….
See? Alcohol-induced levity. Which may be just what this weekend needs, as well. Happy weekend, all.