Trying to be a domestic goddess

Progress on becoming a domestic goddess this weekend to be updated throughout Sunday:

Currently listening: Juno soundtrack

Last weekend, S. and his friend Patrick moved the contents of our Michigan condominium across Ohio and into our Pittsburgh apartment and then left again and ever since I have been living with the realization that while the things we own fit perfectly into our condo they absolutely do not fit into our smaller, lacking-a-garage- or-extra-bedroom apartment. Before his leave-taking, I promised S. in a foolish fit of adoration that I would make this place home for him by the time he returned, and ever since I have been both regretting and revising that statement on an hourly basis, that is, when I am not on torturing myself with homes for sale. I could not tell you how many loads of dishes I have done, or how many times I have tried to rearrange our things to fit, but quite simply it’s not working.  To top this all off, as S. left he wistfully said “I can’t wait to move here for good, I miss your cooking.” I tried not to faint as he drove away as I recalled a mere three months ago I did, indeed, cook, and let me say here and now I will never ever again tease my single girlfriends for their cereal dinners because of all the chores to effortlessly slip away, cooking and preparing food was certainly the easy  to let  go of.   Here is a picture of my single-woman fridge:

Ahem. Okay. While I was gone, apparently the only way I know to post a photograph has been “upgraded.” Shoot. It seems I’m finally going to have to join flickr or photo bucket. Since time is short and I have to empty all of my shoes out of S.’s closet, I will catalogue the contents of my fridge:

yogurt – vanilla truffle, french vanilla, and vanilla maple. I have a vanilla problem.

cheese – all sorts. I love cheese, but only eat a bit at a time. Sorts include goat, monterey jack, vermont cheddar and parmesan

cool whip

And that’s it. That’s what I had, as of this week. So today, I donned on my comfort jeans and by hole-riddled black sweater, threw my hair up in a french braid/bun thing I do, made an actual grocery list, and went to Whole Foods (and, people, I TRIED the Farmers Market first. Do you know what my farmers market had? Jam and lemonade. We’ll give it a go again next week). I returned one hundred plus dollars poorer, laden with Things S. Eats: bacon, sausage, eggs, salami, bread, milk, bok choy, kale, ice cream, granola, cream, chicken, jalepeno peppers, grainy mustard, cashews and potato chips and I sort of have to admit, I wonder why I haven’t been feeding myself the way I always so determinedly feed my husband?

Anyway, I’m in the middle of a mess here, people – during my three months here, no matter how much I adore my husband, it never really occurred to me to make ROOM for his return. The fridge is full, and I’ve made the bed up with fresh sheets, and begun the laborious process of clearing out a closet for him, but I think I am going to have to be at the stove frying up a wide variety of the salted cured meats, naked except for high heels, with a double bourbon waiting for him, in order for him to overlook the absolutely sluttish habits I’ve adopted as a single woman, beginning with never ever washing a pair of nylons and just continuously buying more, moving towards using empty cases of beer to store my books, concluding with considering an egg, a spoonful of cool whip and two glasses of wine a totally balanced dinner, and a few other quirks thrown in for good measure.

Okay. So here is what I’ve accomplished for today – and it’s ALL that will be accomplished as I have theater tickets and really, I’m not going to cancel seeing “West Side Story” to clean –

1. Grocery shopped

2. All laundry/dry cleaning

3. PIcked up bedroom;made bed fresh

4. Read blogroll

5. Napped

6. Considered baking rhubarb – no, lemon – no, rhubarb pie for S.’s return but decided to buy ice cream instead.

7. Ate some ice cream

8. Bought rum for S.

9. Unpacked all of kitchen

Things I’ve decided won’t happen until S. is home:

Hung things on walls

Taken boxes to storage unit

Things I would like to fit in this weekend as well:

Go to church


Work on novel

Read Sunday papers

Okay – the goal for tomorrow is to return here with an update on my progress. Project Domestic Goddess is in full swing…

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7 Responses to Trying to be a domestic goddess

  1. Andi says:

    Woohoo! Good luck. I’m gonna have to try the naked/salty meat/big drink approach. I think B would love it, and it might make him forget that our kitchen table is a zoo, our bathroom is a swamp, and I’m not in any hurry to change that.

  2. Cam says:

    The only problem I have with your fridge is the lack of oranges and the overabundance of vanilla. Otherwise it would suit me fine. I thought about making a similar to-do list today, but I just turned off the alarm clock and went back to sleep.

  3. Emily Barton says:

    You mean an egg, a spoonful (or maybe 3 or 4) of Cool Whip, and two glasses of wine is NOT a balanced meal? Oh my, how did I ever survive all those years Bob was in seminary in New York and I was out in Connecticut 4 days a week? And I have you beat with pictures on the walls. Bob and I have been living here for 8 months now and have not yet hung a single picture. Nor have we gotten curtains made for the downstairs rooms and reupholstered all the furniture that needed to be reupholstered (forget the standard “yesterday” here and substitute “ten years ago”). Bob is a typical man (i.e. I used to fantasize about getting him on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”), and I seem to be estrogen and progesterone deficient when it comes to domesticity, so our home looks more like a fraternity house than the home of two mature adults.

  4. yogamum says:

    I’ve been listening to the Juno soundtrack as well! Love it!

    And I just discovered vanilla truffle yogurt! Yum!

  5. litlove says:

    You know that plan you have to distract S from the ‘sluttish habits’? I have absolutely no doubts whatsoever that it will work. 😉

  6. Stefanie says:

    Oh this was funny, but it made me so tired just reading about all the work. I hate moving and dread the day I will have to move out of my house to a new one. Hopefully that day is far, far in the future. Hope West Side Story was good.

  7. Audrey says:

    Who are you trying to kid?

    You are a gifted writer, a hearty laugher and a great friend.

    But domestic goddess? Really?

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