11/5/2010 – I often only write about S. when I am irritated/frustrated/angry – not when I am feeling madly in love with him all over again – an injustice, I think. Ninety-five percent of the time our relationship is so wonderful and yet I never write about those times. To correct this, here is one: we had a wonderful weekend together, from play-seeing to meals out to walking the dog to shopping – I truly have the best husband and I wish I could spend more time with him. Quit our jobs, take Skylar, run away…
11/10/2010 – Trying not to beat myself up over the slightly elevated glucose numbers while still recognizing that I have probably allowed too many slip ups in terms of sugar lately – time to take a step back from the daily hot chocolate and other sweets and focus on healthy eating for the rest of this pregnancy. It will be difficult because sweet stuff tastes so good but I know I can do it for the good of Evangeline and myself
* to note – I included this just because so many women have elevated glucose numbers from their first testing – I passed the second test with flying colors but I have friends who struggled with gestational diabetes – definitely something you don’t want to mess around with!
11/21/2010 – So grateful tonight for the family and life I have. Sure, it often feels like a total work in progress – dog toys littering the house, projects 1/2 completed, this baby 2/3 of the way to being born, but I can see now why so many people are so proud of building homes and lives. S. is sick with a head cold but for the first time in a long time in our lives – as stupid as this sounds – I feel he is in a safe place to get better – our home. Many blessings have been bestowed on us.
12/1/2012 – I remember being younger and having passion for everything I did – from school work to picking out my clothes each day to writing letters. Somewhere along the way I lost my joy in the every day and started feeling resentful if there wasn’t time for this or that – since making the choice to become a parent I have to realize that certain dreams aren’t going to be acted on for a long while, so I need to start finding joy, as I once did, in most other things, scrapbooking, writing, cleaning – even cooking.
12/9/2010 – Less than two months to Evangeline’s due date – so very hard to believe! I actually can’t believe I will be pushing this baby out – I have officially consented to a vaginal delivery. I have cut myself some slack and put a cease and desist on evening activities for the forseable future, which feels like the right thing to do but so terribly unlike me. I feel very empowered by this decision and know it’s the right one.
12/12/2010 – It’s funny how common sense flies out the window when anything unusual occurs with this pregnancy – my braxton hicks contractions terrified me today and yet so much worse is to come! Looking forward to giving birth and having E on the other side of my body. In a way I will miss carrying her but these last few weeks are brutal.
1/3/2011 – …this is not a year, let’s face it, for vacations and parties and travel – this is a year for learning who Evangeline is and for her to learn about us – the biggest challenge S and I will face as a married couple (!! editing in real-time to say if I wonder if this is actually true?) I think it’s good to make Evangeline and the change in our lives the focus of 2011 while still working to remember who we are and why that matters.
1/23/2011 – Pittsburgh’s going to the Super Bowl! Evangeline – please feel free to arrive in the next two weeks!
And that is the second to last journal entry before E came along…the last entry was written on 1/30/2011 but was basically angst about how lazy I felt and didn’t seem interesting at all! I wrote a LOT in my journal during my pregnancy and I left out dozens of entries…I didn’t include all of the ones that discussed my writing angst, and I didn’t write some about stuff going on with my family because it didn’t seem fair, but I this is a good representation of the kind of things I thought about when thinking about Evangline.