Marriage Monday – Contemplating K-Cups

First of all, I certainly don’t anticipate this blog becoming nothing but marriage Monday posts.  It just seems to have worked out that way for the last couple of weeks but by no means will it remain that way.  And now, with that out of the way…

A week ago today found S. and me in our kitchen at 5 a.m., staring up at a leak that had broken through our bathroom floor and flooded our kitchen. Everything was covered in toilet water, from our coffee pot to my favorite salt and pepper shakers to E.’s bottles. For now I will spare you how we each dealt with the pipe disaster – that’s a different post for another day.  Over  the course of the week, with the help of our fantastic plumber, Bernie, the source of the leak was idenfied and fixed, leaving us with a kitchen ceiling that needed to be replastered and a host of household items to purchase.

Yesterday, we went shopping to purchase our new coffee maker.  We debated for several days over whether to buy a keurig or not – my biggest concern was the fact they are bad for the environment (all those k-cups going to waste!) but otherwise was interested – right now we barely have time to drink coffee in the mornings so a whole pot often ends up wasted.  There are also afternoons where I find myself wanting one cup of coffee but not wanting to fuss with making a pot.  When we were browsing at Target S. pointed out that you can buy a reusable k-cup and grind your own beans – I was sold.  Since our coffee grinder was another of the kitchen appliances destroyed by the Toilet Water Flood of aught 12, and we hadn’t researched which one we wanted to buy, we went ahead and purchased a couple boxes of K-cups to see us through the upcoming week.  As we surveyed our choices S. casually gestured to Tully’s Italian Roast and mentioned he found that his favorite. (It’s probably important to note here that we both have keurig machines in our respective offices and so we have more than passing knowledge of the equipment and coffee flavors.)

“No way,” I said, trying to keep E. from pulling every box of K-cups off the shelving. We had made the mistake of liberating her from the confines of the grocery cart and she was grabbing at things for all she was worth.  “That is my favorite brand, too!”

“Yep, it’s really good,” S. said, placing a Tully’s Itallian Roast in the cart.

“But, I didn’t know that about you!” I exclaimed. “Don’t you think it’s romantic that we share a favorite K-cup coffee brand and never knew it?”

“I think it’s sweet,” S. said,  although he certainly seemed less enamored of the whole idea than I found myself.

Here’s the thing, though. S. and I have been married for twelve years, together for fourteen and we’ve known each other half of our lives.  There isn’t that muchw we don’t know about one another beyond the secret interior thoughts everyone keeps to themselves.  I could have probably repeated within five or ten words exactly how S. responded Monday morning to the plumbing mess – and I am sure he could with me, as well. I know to never ever ever put green pepper in anything I’m cooking, not because he’s allergic to it but because he hates it that much – I know the reason he always does the laundry is because he hates the way I do it. I can tell what kind of mood he is in by a one-second glance at his face and I know what reserves he draws upon to boost himself up when he needs to.  Discovering his favorite k-cup flavor is the same as mine felt like this delightful surprise – our separate working worlds colliding in this tiny, unimportant way.  Like, if I were doubting our relationship in that moment (which I wasn’t), then this shared preference completely reaffirmed everything – our life together.

It’s silly, I know, but to me it was a small delight in a week dominated by gushing toilet water, sexist contractors and an untold amount of work stress.  Has your spouse taken you by surprise recently, for better or worse? Did it matter to you?





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9 Responses to Marriage Monday – Contemplating K-Cups

  1. Amanda says:

    He volunteered to take our daughter to netball in the freezing cold rain on Saturday so I could sleep in which was very suprisingly thoughtful and really made me much happier than flowers or chocolates would. It made me think about women I used to know years ago who claimed they were only interested in “bad boys.” That’s not what you should want at all ladies!

  2. Jen says:

    This is so sweet – and a nice poignant thing about marriage. Mark and I will celebrate our 17th anniversary this year (we’ve been together for 22 years!) and it’s been full of wonderul highs and, unfortunately, some sad lows, too. But even in those times when we think we know each other best, we learn new things we never knew before. And I think that’s a really good thing because we’re both always changing and growing – sometimes together, but sometimes not. And discovering new things about each other keeps us interested and connected.

  3. Anne Camille says:

    Just the other day my husband told me some trivial thing — like k-cup flavor — that I had not known previously. “You like that? Since when?” was my initial response. I was flabbergasted that I didn’t know it. I’m going to chalk it up to it being 3 am & I’ve been unable to sleep, but I can’t for the life of me remember now what it was. That part isn’t so romantic, but I know that he will laugh at me when it comes up again — and recall that I was surprised the first time that I learned it! We’ve been married for 13 years and we learn new things about each other all the time. As Jen says, it keeps it interesting.

  4. Pete says:

    Sorry to hear about the leak disaster. I know we would not cope well with something like that. But it’s great that you were able to refocus on the K-Cup purchase and delicious flavours to go with that. As for pleasant surprises, L did give me a nice father’s day present (which I chose myself).

  5. katy says:

    My husband has surprised me twice this week. First, when we were hanging out with my cousin and her new, nursing baby, he remarked, “looks like she has a really shallow latch. Doesn’t that hurt your breast?” Second, he has a deep knowledge of carseat laws and regulations (gained from his naughty driver school he had to attend when he got another speeding ticket). I love knowing how much he pays attention to parenting things.

  6. I spent the whole post wondering what a K-Cup was. Can you elucidate for your non-US readership?

    My husband surprised me recently by suggesting I plan and book a writing retreat! I am extremely happy about this and can’t wait to head off alone to write.

  7. litlove says:

    Mister Litlove doesn’t surprise me very often, but I’m sure it will happen and be delightful when it does. I think perhaps, though, that my favourite marital moments are the ones where you manage to avoid doing the thing that you do by default that really winds the other person up. Getting into that autopilot and altering the system for the other person is a gesture of real love, I think, and it’s incredibly satisfying to see it in action (and avoid, say, the seemingly inevitable row about who caused the leak or how it should be fixed!).

  8. Emily Barton says:

    Bob surprises me all the time, probably because we weren’t so young when we met each other and both have “former lives” with which to (is the right word “entertain”?) each other. Still, I absolutely know that (Pina Colada Song) feeling of “Wow! You like that, too? I never knew. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that sweet? Isn’t that romantic?” while my husband is, as you put it, “less enamored” of the whole idea of how great/sweet/romantic it is. What is THAT all about when it comes to marriage and wife v. husband? I’d love to know if anyone has any insights.

  9. Jen – I think you hit on an important point, here – we don’t always grow together and that can be tough. It takes really open lines of communication and understanding to negotiate those points in a marriage.

    Charlotte – K cups are “keurig cups” – individual cups for the Keurig coffee maker – and I think they are actually Swiss, not American.

    Litlove – YES, exactly! It’s when you avoid your “go to” defenses where growth really happens. I have been doing better about this lately but it takes tremendous discipline.

    Emily – ooh, topic for an upcoming marriage Monday!

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